A Kiki with Michael Sam

A Kiki with Michael Sam

Originally posted on BlaQueer:

Michael Sam

Let’s Have A Kiki

“I’m sorry; did I answer your question right?” Michael Sam’s voice is not necessarily soft, nor is it smooth but what it is, is respectful and earnest. This is at least the third time he has worried if his answer to my questions are correct. “It is fine; just think of this as us having a kiki in a cafe.” Instantly Sam’s brow furrows, he briefly squints his eyes and asks, “A what?” The language is foreign to him. “A kiki. It is black gay slang for when friends get together to laugh and talk, basically it’s shooting the shit.” His brow releases its wrinkles and he slightly smiles, “Oh; I thought you said ‘kinky.’ I was like, ‘what’? A ‘kiki’? I have never heard of that?” The fact that he didn’t speak the language was not shocking to me; I had my suspicion…

View original 2,516 more words

Leave a comment

Posted by on February 16, 2015 in Uncategorized


Moving From Scolding To Solutions – Reframing the dominate discussion of victim blaming.

Just some of the common finger wagging memes

There is a disturbing trend in black online media.  At a time when we should be using this amazing technology to exchange ideas, resources, and useful information to aid in our liberation and growth, we are scrambling to tell other black people just how awful we are.  Apparently the fact that a 400 year old social/political/economic structure designed to keep African-Americans subservient is spending billions of dollars a year to maintain the status quo is all the fault of poor black people.  Listening to the black so-called intellectuals on the web, all of our problems could be solved if we all just made better personal choices.  Here’s a few reasons why that is all BS.
Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment

Posted by on March 2, 2014 in African-American


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

HELP!! Torrent Downloads Have Stopped Working!

I have used Bittorrent for years and never had a problem until yesterday.  Now all each torrent says is “Connecting To Peers” and isnt’ downloading anything.  I’ve done a Google search and have spent the last two hours trying every solution suggested and still nothing.

Here’s what I did so far:

1.  Uninstalled and reinstalled Bittorrent 2x.

2.  Checked to make sure Windows Firewall was allowing stuff through to the application.

3.  Deleted the “settings” files from the App Data folder.

4.  Installed uTorrent instead.

5.  Downgraded to the 1.8.5 version of uTorrent.

6.  Checked port settings and lowered global settings.

If there is anything else anyone out there can think of doing, please leave it in the comments.  Please!

Leave a comment

Posted by on February 13, 2014 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , ,

Newsflash!: Louisiana Redneck Anti-Gay & Clueless About Race

I originally wrote this as a Facebook post as the only thing I was going to say about the whole “Duck Dynasty” non-issue but it came out better than I expected so I’m posting it here as well.

Mainstream America has a love affair with rednecks and Southern culture.  A love affair that curiously seems to intensify in times of increased racial tension like now.  From “Gone With The Wind” to “The Andy Griffith Show” to “Blue Collar Comedy” America loves to watch the aw shucks antics of characters like Larry The Cable Guy.
But selective memory helps them forget that Southern culture is shaped by 250 years of formal slavery, almost 100 years of the legal apartheid system of Jim Crow that ended only 1 generation ago, government sanctioned domestic terrorism through lynchings and police killings, egregious economic exploitation, and intense participation in the prison industrial complex that thrives today.
The only people shocked that a Southern redneck is anti-gay and clueless about race are the people who are emotionally/psychologically invested in the mass delusion.  Now, to quote another folksy piece of pop culture glorifying the South, “That’s all I got to say about that.”
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 23, 2013 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Stop Trying To Make FXX Happen!

I have cable.  Not by choice.  If it was up to me, the only thing I would be paying my cable company for is broadband access and wait until show comes on Netflix, Hulu or Bittorrent and save a hundred bucks a month.  However, the people I’ve been living with the past few years insist they need cable so I’ve been watching it.

One of my favorite shows of the last couple of years had been “Totally Biased” with W. Kamau Bell.  Not only did it give voice to real progressive people and views, it was funny as fuck.  It aired every Thursday night on the FX Channel but had recently moved to a 5 night format on FX’s new network FXX.  And that’s where the problem came in.

In order to get FXX, I would need to upgrade my cable package.  Since we am already paying more than I can really afford because my sister needs HBO and Showtime, the extra money required to upgrade to a tier that offers FXX essentially made it a premium channel.  And what would we get for this extra money besides Totally Biased?  Four of the eight shows highlighted on its website are reruns of popular shows available on Netflix.  The others are so monolithically white and niche it’s an insult that Totally Biased was the first one they axed.

You could argue that a new network goes through it’s ups and downs and the maybe the otherwise lackluster lineup (excluding both “Totally Biased” and Jim Jefferies’ “Legit”) is just a list of placeholders until they develop better programming.  But I feel they are making a huge mistake sacrificing Kamau’s show and the unique lineup of talent they could have developed for the sake of “Arrested Development” reruns.  Decisions like this means that FXX is either going to end or morph into some weird channel of infomercials and bad raunch comedies.

Leave a comment

Posted by on November 14, 2013 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , ,

Doing Good Things Vs. Being A Good Person

For the past couple of years I have been renting a room in the house of this couple.  Nothing really major going on or bad about it, just the quirks of adults (there are four of us) with vastly different personalities living in a relatively small space.  Recently that’s come to a head and I’m leaving so I’ve been looking back doing an assessment of the time.  The actual owner of the house (we’ll call her Joan) has this weird personality trait that I simply thought odd in the beginning but in hindsight should have set off some red flags.

When I first moved in Joan was the same age as me.  She had recently started her own marketing and event planning business and was in her last year of getting her MBA at a marginal local college.  She was not as big as me though definitely over 300lbs. (which I initially found a relief because I’m pretty sure that I was being turned down from other places because of my size).  When we first met when I came to look at the house, she was warm and friendly.  Though she kept stressing how her friends are like family, etc.  The price was right, they didn’t seem crazy and the other “renter” didn’t seem like he would steal my stuff so I wrote a check that night and prepared to move in.

I think there’s something else you should know about Joan.  Generally it doesn’t matter but I think it speaks a little to the point I’m going to make.  Joan is engaged to Jeanette.  Jeanette is your typical Midwestern butch lesbian who was previously a tenant of Joan and they fell in love.  However, before this, Joan ONLY dated dark-skinned, very Michael Duncan-Clark type black men.  Preferably West Indian.  I would learn later that this was not just some mere “preference”.  She was THAT white woman.  The one who decided she needed her hair braided and still had the leftover packs of hair.  And because she was so down, because she “understood”, she couldn’t possibly say or do anything racist.

But back to the main point.  A few weeks after I moved in J&J came in very happy from grocery shopping.  Apparently there was an old woman in the front of them at checkout and they decided to just pay for her groceries.  A very nice thing to do . . . as they made sure everyone knew for the next week.  Over the next couple of years, I would find out that Joan was the queen of the Grand Gesture.  When it came to the type of empathy required for day to day courtesies, she was lost.

A good example of this is almost nazi-like policing of when someone did or didn’t say please or thank you do the point where she actually said to me one day, “Was thank you just not a big thing in your house because my mother was big on that?  I mean, I washed your dish in the sink and when I told you all you said was “oh, ok”.  Little snide comments like that were a common occurrence.  But if you called her on it, she would insist she was a good and compassionate person and then start listing all the stuff she’s done as proof.

When Jeanette got sick (which she did A LOT), Joan actually said that it was hard on her because she’s not really a caregiver-type person.  It was a stomach bug, not fucking cancer.  How hard is it to make rice or soup and make sure someone is comfortable?

Or the way she would want to tell you about something regarding her job but when you started talking about your life she would tune out into the TV or if I was talking to Jeanette, she would just break in to bring the focus to herself.

But I ramble.  The whole point of this post was to illustrate how people can do good things but not necessarily be good people.  I would say it’s a “fake it until you make it” type situation but I’m pretty sure that she’s not going to make it because she is not self-aware enough to understand the difference.  I’m interested in your thoughts.

1 Comment

Posted by on August 25, 2013 in Uncategorized


I Don’t Think I Can Be In A Serious Relationship With A Woman With Kids.

To many people, that’s a horrible thing to say.  At my age (and let’s face it, my lack of strong relationship qualifiers) that’s seriously draining the dating pool.  Maybe I should amend that a little.  I don’t think I can be in a serious relationship with a woman who has kids that aren’t grown and self-sufficient.

Some people may interpret this statement as me disliking children.  That’s not true.  In fact I love kids.  In fact, it’s my love for children and my respect for the awesome responsibility it is to raise one that I decided at an early age not to have any of my own.  For the most part I find it highly selfish and neglectful to bring children into this world simply because the condom broke or because I want them with a particular person.

It is damn near impossible to love a woman and not love her kids.  Being a parent is an integral part of who she is and most women will tell you off top that to be with her is to be with her children.  But that emotional and psychological bond that you build with those children, no matter how strong it may seem to you, is always very tenuous.

I don’t think I could spend that kind of time and energy into contributing to the well-being of someone’s children only to have them ripped from me if the relationship doesn’t work out.  I’m too old and don’t have that many resources to begin with.

Leave a comment

Posted by on July 30, 2013 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , ,


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.